Let's face it, all relationships have times of disagreements, but you can learn how to fight nice while disagreeing, for your marriage sake. I would like to share the ways of how you can learn to fight nice, while keeping a strong relationship.
Here are tips to how to fit nice:
Enter the disagreement with the goal for restoration
Once you enter a disagreement, you need to remind yourself that it takes two to discuss, work on a relationship and to fix a problem within a relationship. If you don't enter the relationship with a goal of restoration, you have already come to your conclusion and the discussion is pointless and only a source of strife. Having a heart to fix what is broken (even being willing to admit you could be contributing) and finding a solution will allow you to ‘fight nice'.
Acknowledge ‘your perspective‘
By sharing ‘your perspective‘ it is allowing you to be open about what is hurting you, without pointing the finger to the one that is causing it. When sharing your perspective, be sure to do it with the goal of restoration, not casting fault.
Acknowledge ‘their perspective‘
There is always two sides to every story. Hearing the perspective of the other person is always a good thing when you are working for restoration and necessary for proper growth within the relationship. If their perspective isn't being shared, always ask for it before moving on from your perspective.
Agree that each person can share freely
Many times, people hold back what they really feel because they are afraid of what may result from such honesty. This doesn't mean that you become vicious in your sharing but rather sharing your perspective and how these situations have brought you to such a perspective. We always lead with our hearts, so if you are being hurt by the sharing then going on to the next step may prove necessary many times.
Take breaks, if tempers grow
We live in an instant society and often are not willing to take the time to work on what isn't working within our relationships. If feelings are being hurt and tempers are growing, taking a break is always a good thing when the goal is restoration. Agree that breaks are temporary and that you will reconvene again in a given time period, so that attention can be given in due time.
Start fresh when calm has returned
After the emotions have had time to calm, take another stab at gaining restoration, but starting at number one again. You will be amazed just how beneficial this step can be to a relationship that goal is for making things better.
Keep the past in the past and only discuss the issue at hand
It doesn't benefit anyone in a relationship to bring up the past. For the person hurt, it only breeds resentment and bitterness. For the person in the wrong, it doesn't allow the ability to find peace and gain esteem in the relationship and will often times be the reason that things get worse in the relationship.
I pray that these steps find a way into your attempt to fight nicely and that they will reap rewards in your relationships.