Love is a journey and a life-changing experience. It can leave you both changed for the good or the bad, depending on the kind of love that is demonstrated within the marriage. Love can be selfish-love or selfless-love, each having completely different results within a relationship.
In my relationship with Harold, I have experienced both of these kinds of love and I must admit, that I have demonstrated both kinds as well. We are both givers and recipients of the good, bad and ugly that comes with loving someone. As with good wine, a marriage enriches as it ages and the selfish-love slowly disappears, while more of the selfless-love shows itself as mature and life-giving in the relationship.
For me, as a woman, I crave my husband’s affections, touches and compliments because to me that shows my husband’s love in a very tangible way. He is a great provider and he takes pride in knowing this, but he also takes pride in knowing that I need more of him in my life. As I have grown in my relationship with my Savior, I can understand how ‘love does cover a multitude of sin’ because it does in our marriage! I attempt to understand the ways that my husband can feel my love and then…. I do just that!
Here is how to develop Selfless Love in your marriage:
Dwell on the Positive
If you find yourself in a place where you find more selfish love in your marriage, rather it is as a recipient or a giver, I would encourage you to take a good look at what you ‘love‘ about your spouse and ONLY dwell on that aspect. Praise your spouse for that part that is going right in your marriage.
Improve on One Thing
Share with him ONE THING that will help you feel it more. Ask your spouse what you do that demonstrates your love for him/her and ask if there is ONE AREA you can improve on.
Communicate What is Working
The more you communicate with each other about the changes you desire, the more changes will happen. You will need to praise each other on what is working, to build esteem in your marriage and feel confident that are growing in love for one another.
I encourage you, take a moment and think of one thing that would demonstrate your love, maybe even knock your spouse off their feet and do it! It is amazing just how much those elements of surprise can build a marriage and bring happiness between you!
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